I wanna passion pit in your ass
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
