He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
