we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What a dumb baby whore.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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