How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
