god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
fuck your aforementioned shoe
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
