my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
