sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
