sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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