dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
