Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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