I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
