Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
