So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
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I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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