I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
