Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
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me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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