I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
