Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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