I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
