I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
