note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
