If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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