gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
