i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
