i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
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I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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