I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
