I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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