I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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