It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
