mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
