yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
