The maid of honor just puked.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
