I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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