He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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