i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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