She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
