Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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