Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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