So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
