Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
