I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm bleeding and have questions
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
