Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
