i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
pop tarts are not kleenex
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
