So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
