I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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