you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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