This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
