Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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