Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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