Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
