Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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