census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
