I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
