If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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