he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
