He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
