Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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