I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
