I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
