I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
