just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
