im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We had sex on a dog bed..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
