So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
