I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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