"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
