Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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