Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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