Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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