i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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