I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
