So drunk, too bad you don't want this
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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