So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
