The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
