my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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