so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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