see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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