your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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