I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
