I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
