Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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