everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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