omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
